Dear Mr. President Bush,  

Salaam Wale Kum!!!

What a difference one day makes in the life of an individual or in the history of world, only Allah knows. Just a year ago, you were running for the Presidency of the US and did not even know the name of this humble servant. As far as you were concerned, this khadim was only some general who had overthrown democracy in Pakistan.

Thanks be to Allah that September 11 changed our relationship, and the world, forever. And, what can be dearer to yours obediently than the friendship of the most powerful man on this earth.

Now I will apprise you of some of the recent happenings - especially about this Pearl guy. We do feel sorry about his death, but are increasingly convinced that the whole affair of alleged kidnapping and murder of this Pearl guy was the devious plot hatched by of our deceitful and cunning neighbor. You are new to this business but we have known them for millennia. After all, we share the same ancestry.

This Omar Sheikh fellow, some years ago, allegedly kidnapped four Westerners in India and then moved them to a remote town, out of sight of the media. The media can be quite brutal in their country because they have no regard for authority or government. Well that is their nature. Then after a few days the police raided their hideout, freed the hostages and arrested Sheikh and other alleged accomplices. There can be no doubt that their secret agencies must have hatched the whole plot otherwise how could they have found out where this Sheikh guy was keeping them in captivity? Devising a clever plot, RAW put Sheikh in jail so that they can train him for the sole purpose of defaming our land of the pure. Such is their hatred.

Then, after matters had cooled down and the world forgot all about alleged kidnapping, our neighbor arranged to highjack a plane from the tiny nation of Nepal - a nation that is fully dependent on this big bully. It is a matter of common sense, who else could have the clout to arrange such an act? The hijacking must have been a drama for the sole purpose of seeking release of three persons trained in jail so that they can later be used to create trouble in Pakistan. If that was not the purpose, why would our neighbor have sent their foreign minister to accompany Sheikh and Masood Azhar? The only purpose was to make sure that these people are properly conducted to Afghanistan, from where they can find their way into Pakistan and lie low till time came to carry out the orders for which they were trained in our neighbor's jail.

When Daniel Pearl came to Pakistan under the excuse of being a journalist, it is quite possible that he too was acting as an agent of our neighbor. As per plan, Sheikh went into action and ‘kidnapped’ this Pearl guy.

In spite of all the efforts of our police and other agencies, we could not find him until he himself surrendered to one of our officials. How can one doubt that this must have been done on the orders of his operatives from across the border and their Zionist allies? By the way, I may have forgotten to mention that Sheikh was in our custody when I came to see you in Washington. I was not trying to hide anything from you. I was just so excited by our newfound friendship - like a little boy getting his dream toy.

You have asked for the extradition of Sheikh to USA. We can understand your desire to put him on trial there. Even though the whole episode was stage-managed by our devious neighbor, we still have to take care of the mess left by them. Under no circumstances would we like to damage our friendship that we cherish so much. But that creates a big problem for us. Ours is a modern, progressive Islamic State. We value human rights and hence cannot go against our Holy Islamic laws. According to our Ulema, we cannot put a Muslim to death for killing an infidel - that is if it is found that Sheikh really got Pearl killed.

But in the interests of long-lasting friendly relations between our two progressive, tolerant and secular nations, we shall find a way that will be acceptable to our God-fearing Mullahs. As you know I have my political compulsions to keep them happy otherwise they will come after my blood and your khadim will be overthrown. Then there will be only two alternatives: the Maulanas might take over imposing Talibanised rule or this land of the pure might again be thrown into the hands of corrupt politicians who might impose the curse of democracy.

I have complete trust in your wisdom and I am sure you would do what I think is best for me.  

Khuda Hafiz.
Musharraf.