An American Little boy asks his
Daddy....
Anonymous
Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL
didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll
find something, probably right before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons
of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those
weapons that they planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any
of those weapons when we went to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend
themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would
they choose to die if they had all those big weapons with which they
could have fought back?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I don't
think they had any of those weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those
weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein
was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another
country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do
that makes it OK to invade his country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic
competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops
to make U.S. corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be
exploited for American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that
country tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being
tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People
who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in
China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between China
and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China
is Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists
were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are
sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other
hand, is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic
competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some
laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with
Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists
like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws,
opened up trade with Cuba, and started doing business with them,
wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?
A: Don't be too smart.
Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun
Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam
Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a
legitimate leader anyway.
Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country
by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United
States.
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to
power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is
our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their
leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military
general who comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate
government of a nation is an illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he
helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on
September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them Saudi
Arabians - hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into
buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into
all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive
rule of the Taliban.
Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical
Islamics who chopped off people's heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off
people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
Q: Didn't the Bush administration give
the Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing
opium poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban
would have their hands and heads cut off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off
people's heads and hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if
they cut people's heads and hands off for other reasons?
A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off
people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off
people's hands for stealing bread.
Q: Don't they also cut off people's
hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy
that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were
in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not
comply.
Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear
burqas in public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.
Q: What's the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet
fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her
eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of
patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her
eyes and fingers.
Q: It sounds like the same thing with a
different name.
A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are
our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19
hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very
bad man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend
once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion
of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the
Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call
them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the
Russians - are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after
they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our
invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French
and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil,
too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French
fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever
another country doesn't do what we want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends
back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq
back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our
friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked
the other way, to show him we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of
our enemies automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of
our friends is automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the
better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is
a godless unAmerican Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked
Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because
God wanted us to, right?
A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes,
make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.
: Good Night. |